Sunday. Often my best opportunity to spend time in reflection that also can include writing.
I am continually amazed with the awareness of how my internal experience of the moment so fully defines my mood and my capacity to navigate life and it's various challenges. Really, it pretty much determines what feels like a challenge and what does not. If my insides are in discomfort I tend to lose my flexibility for flowing with the externals that I can't control. I'll be more specific so that what I'm referring to is clear.
When I am physically in pain everything going on around me - -other people, traffic, loud noises in restaurants - - becomes something that feels intrusive and unmanageable. When I am not in pain everything going on around me feels separate from me and just part of the symphony that is accompanying my solo performance. There is a really nice interweave of sounds and feelings and energies. And when something is off balance outside me (like loud music in a restaurant) I am not thrown by it. I may feel dislike or frustration with it but it is a simple experience that doesn't make me feel like I want to pull into my shell or run away or beat someone with a stick.
I have come to understand in a much clearer, deeper way that these times of pain are a trigger for me of unresolved trauma. We all have certain experiences that when we are in them we get triggered into reactions that don't particularly fit the present moment. Physical pain is one of those for me. Some people are much more resilient when they are in physical pain. They don't get triggered into wanting to run away or beat someone with a stick. As I have been working with my nervous system and the stored trauma from earlier experiences in my life I am becoming more resilient. Pain doesn't limit my options to the degree that it used to. I still get triggered but with less severity.
What are the experiences that are your "trigger" places? I invite your awareness to identifying those times when your reaction to something in the present moment might not actually fit what is occurring. They are hard to wrap our brain around sometimes because we can so automatically go to what has become a familiar, characteristic reaction. It so totally feels appropriate and fitting to be reacting in the way that we are in a relationship, or in traffic, or when a sales person is not helpful in a way we wish for them to be, etc. To be able to step back and begin to recognize that our reaction seems bigger than the present situation might call for can be our first place of shifting some stored stress or trauma.
I feel tremendous gratitude for finding my way along this path. Healing not only gives us a richer, more meaningfully experienced life, it also sends us along the path of the evolution of our Soul. The bigger picture of what we are doing here. We are all weavers. The texture of the fabric deepens in color and feel with our consciousness brought to it.
When I'm feeling worn out I frequently want to beat someone with a stick, but I usually think it's about them. Deep down I know better, I know it has more to do with me, but I'm just sooo worn out in those times, I don't have the energy to look deep down. Blame comes easy at those times. Those are the times I wished the world really did revolve around me. Growth is a lot of work. It's really hard. Thanks for the reminder. My frustration won't end unless I do the work.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! Good luck with your work.
ReplyDeleteIt does not look like this blog is very attended-However, I must ask you... is what you do a religious practice? There are references to therapy but therapy is not religion or faith and much of what I have read here indicates a foundation of belief rather than ... well... fact and proven effectiveness. I have traveled and expereinced many things - and what is labeled psychotherapy in these blogs is not what I uunderstand the psychotherapeutic process to be at all. It sesms that many of these practitioners seem to create their own "experience" and then attempt to market it as some type of truth or alternative healing often connected to native american or eastern religious ceremonial "pathways" and "spirits". It all seems a little odd- I mean for a "licensed" person that is. Such "stuff" is not, in my opinion, a proven therapy or approach. It's religion. If psychotherapy is religion, then all religious practitioners are therapists. When everyone is a therapist - no one is. Also it seems taht the dialogs are not connected to the field of marital and family theapy buyt to a form of belief-based faith or philosophical healing practices - not connected to true, accurate and proven diagnostic methods and techniques. Does the license as a marital and family therapist allow this? Perhaps I should ask a licensing board about this? What are the practice boundaries of the LMFT? Is it okay to utilize or promote religious or other type of "healing" practices that are far from the professional and legal boundary of the specific license? It seems that many of these "practitioners" simply do what they want and make it up as they go. I never imagined that MFT training included such content and the license allowed such behavior or "practices" as a component of it. I never thought this is what an MFT did. I am very surprised - and a little bewildered and frightened. As a professional myself I was trained and examined, prior to licensure, on specfiic techniques and methods. I am not allowed to deviate from them, and if I do, I risk sanction and loss of credibility. I am not allowed to make up my own rules and procedures. The risks to those I work with are simply far to high to risk practicing or engaging in acts that are not a part of my license. I just do not understand a profession that allows this. It does not seem like a profession at all, but rather a religion.
ReplyDeletehey and thanks for this interesting article. I can understand your position. Nice blog, and this has been very enlightening for me. thanks again.
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